All my fears hit me at once.

I’m going to put today down to hormones, but from the moment I woke up this morning I’ve had nothing but fearful thoughts about home, work and looking after 2 children.  They hit me in the following order.

·         I’m too tired to go to work today.  Baby has been kicking me all night.

·         In 3 months I’m going to be too tired to do anything.

·         Cry

·         How will I get Holly ready for nursery with a small baby as well?

·         What should I have for breakfast?

·         I can’t make a decision

·         Cry

·         Yeah, this shower is making me feel a bit more human.

·         Will I have time for a shower with having to drop Holly at nursery and look after a baby?

·         I’m going to be a smelly mum

·         Cry

·         Pull yourself together and go to work.

·         My desk doesn’t fit me anymore

·         My clothes don’t fit me anymore

·         Nothing in my life fits me anymore

·         Cry

·         Bit more crying

·         Crappy emails about work issues

·         Cry

·         Why am I crying, I normally love sorting out these kind of problems.

·         Soon I won’t have these problems to sort out.

·         Soon I won’t be anything but a mum

·         Can I afford to just be a mum?

·         Will I have a job to go back to?

·         Will I be up to going back to work?

·         How can I be a good role model if I don’t work? I’ve always worked

·         Cry

·         I know a bit of fresh air and bacon butty will see me right.

·         Eventually managed to turn the tears off and get some work done.

·         Maybe I just needed a good cry!!

Baby Bumps and Computer Desks don't mix.

I’ve finally reached the stage in my pregnancy where I now have a baby bump.  I’m very lucky in the fact that I don’t tend to develop a bump until later in the pregnancy compared to some of my friends who started showing at 12 weeks!  My bump seems to have developed overnight and with it bought a whole load of new challenges.  My feet have finally said bye bye and I no longer know what they look like now and I have to sit down and form a very un-lady like pose just to put my shoes on.  Sitting down at my desk this morning I had the genuine thought of “have my arms shrunk?”  It seemed I had to reach farther to get to my keyboard and the phone was no longer within my grasp.  At first I thought that the cleaners had perhaps moved everything while wiping down my desk and the then it hit me that the cause of this problem was my now growing bump.  Ideally I could do with a section of my desk to be cut out so the bump fits in quite nicely but sadly this is not an option.  So everything has been moved closer and I envisage that there will come a point when my keyboard can rest on my bump and I can work from there!  I think the laptop will now be brought out of retirement so at least I can position it on my knee and work in some form of comfort.  I’m quickly realising that offices really aren’t tailored for the expectant mother!

Mummy Sue

xx

First day back and I already need another holiday!!

After 2 blissful weeks off work, I'm now sat at my desk and it feels like I've never been away.  I was fairly lucky this time around and I only came back to 115 emails, which is pretty good for the job I do.  My first day back however, did not start well and I only hope it is not a sign of the way the rest of this week is going to pan out.  It started with the journey to nursery.  I got within half a mile of where we needed to be (down a country track I like to add so you get the full picture) to find out that the road is closed.  As it was a country track the only thing to do was turn around and head back into town to go a different route, adding a further 20 minutes onto the journey.  Once on my new course, Holly gave an almighty sneeze, which not only threw out more snot than I had ever seen come out of such a small nose, but vomit as well.  The hazrd lights went on and I threw the car into the curb to try and get her out as quickly as I could.  She's been suffering with a cold over the past few days and I guess all the flem that was on her chest decided to come out.

Now a good 45 minutes behind schedule, we eventually made it to nursery but Holly was not keen to go.  She didn't want anything to do with her playmates or the staff and assumed, what me and her dad call, "the baby gibon pose".  This is where she throws her legs round your waist and her arms round your neck and holds on for dear life like a baby monkey.  I eventually talked her into sitting down and having some breakfast (her second of each day) and made a mad dash for the car.  Finally on the road and near to the office I breathed a sigh of relief that my day could finally get going.  This relief was to be short lived.  As I stood outside my office door, rumaging through my handbag, I refused to give into the realisation that I'd left my office keys at home.  After cursing myself for several minutes I decided that there was no way I was driving home and I would just have to find someone with a spare key, which I eventually did.

Surely the worst of the day was over and I could make a start on catching up as I knew I had several reports to get working on and send out.  So, with a brew in one hand and my morning banana in the other, I tried to log on.  The key word here would be tried.  It appears that first thing on a Monday morning is when our IT department feel it best to carry out maintenance work.  This meant for most of the morning I could answer emails only and was not able to access any of my saved files or reports.  The morning banana was soon to be followed by several bars of chocolate and a great many mutterings under my breath.

I had a catch up with my team, which made me smile again and I wasn't as stressed as when the day first started.  It's nearly time to go and pick Holly up, which, as I've said before, is the best part of my day and  I will be glad to log off and leave this horrible horrible Monday behind and hope to start things all over again tomorrow. Rant over - nothing good to say about this day!

Love

Mummy Sue x

"No mummy, no help"

Words I didn't think I would hear until Holly was at least a grotty teenager, let alone 4 days after her second birthday!  After I picked her up from nursery today we had our usual 30 minute stint at the playground next door.  It's a nice park and we often see some of her pals from ursery there who she goes off and plays with.  Today though, we had the park all to ourselves.  We started, as always, on the swings where she insists I sing this silly swing song I made up.  After 3 rounds of the song she wanted off and hot footed it over to the slide.  To get to this slide it's not a ladder but a rope climb.  Normally I hold her upper body and she lifts her legs up onto the rungs until she reaches the top.  I went to assume my normal position to hoist her up when she turns round, pushes me away and says,"no mummy, no help".  I stood there and watched as she climbed herself to the top of the rope climb and then went down the slide the other side.  I was so proud and yet so upset at the same time it was very strange.  My little girl no longer needed my help up the rope climb and made no bones about telling me.  I'm so proud that she's progressing so well but it really does break your heart when your baby tells you they don't need you.

It wasn't long before she wanted to move onto the seesaw.  Now, I thought, she'll need my help to get on.  Nope, wrong again and again when I went to lift her on she pushed me away and threw the same words at me, "no mummy, no help".  I must admt it was funny to watch her pull herself onto the seat in the most un ladylike way, but by god she did it and she did it all by herself.  I was then ordered to sit on the other end, and being the good mummy I am, I did as I was told.  It was so surreal to be sitting at the opposite end of a seesaw to my two year old daughter when I'm so used to helping her hold on.

All these times I've taken her to the park and helped her hold on.  Was it that she needed my help holding on all this time or was it more a case of me trying to hold on to her being a baby that little bit longer?

When people tell you to treasure the days when they are babies because they grow up so quick, you never really appreciate what they're saying until you have that moment on the slide.

xx

Update at last!

It's taken me so long to get this post up as i've been as sick as a dog since Holly's birthday.  Just to put you all out of your misery - yes the cake was a success as you can see below.

We had her party on the Saturday and we had a total of 13 kids there.  It was total chaos but brilliant fun.  They were non stop run a rounds for the whole 2 hours and the only time any of them stopped was to get food.  I've never heard silence around so many kids before it was so funny.  Holly loved having her best friend Betty sit next to her at the table, which of course Holly was head of.  We had a lovely spread and the adults lost no time in polishing off what the kids had left!  The party co-ordinator bought the cake in at the end and everyone sang Happy Birthday.  For the first time all day Holly was so shy and she burried her head into my shoulder and wouldn't look up.  She blew out her candle (with a little help from mummy) and then they all went back to playing.  I think me and her dad were more bothered about the celebrations than she was as she just wanted to run off and play. 

I really enjoyed talking to the parents of Holly's friends as this was the first time i'd met most of them.  Holly only started at this nursery in February this year, so she is still the newby.  That's why we thought it would be a good idea to have the party so that we could get to know the other mums and dads.  It was well worth it and I got to know loads about the other parents.  I was of course faced with the question, "so how many days does Holly do at nursery?" and when I replied she was full time, as I worked full time, it led to a few moments of silence where the other parent was thinking what to say next.  It's amazing still, how this question still has the ability to make me feel like a bad mum for not staying at home and looking after Holly myself.    Anyway that's by the by and overall everyone had a lovely time.

At the end of the day, when all visitors had gone home and I was able to put my feet up for 10 minutes, that's when the sickness hit me.  At first I thought it was my bump who had pushed my stomach into my lungs, which was making me feel a bit queer.  I then went on to spend the next 2 days with my head down the loo bringing up everything that I tried to keep down.  Nothing seemed to help so I just accepted that I was going to become very friendly with my toilet.  Lucky for me that Holly had gone down South with her dad to see his side of the family.  I was able to feel sorry for myself in private and just wait for this 'bug' to leave my system and allow me to be human again. 

This morning I woke up and didn't feel like throwing up my inards.  I dropped Holly at nursery and then put myself in the shower and I can now say I'm back in the game.  I've caught up with emails and friends and life in general and can now start to get on with things again.  I can only think that all the planning for the party left me a bit run down and carrying bump around didn't help.  After such a brilliant birthday and seeing the smiles on Holly's face all day, I can say it was well worth it.

xx

Let the preparations begin!

I'm into the first few days of my holiday from work and I've not been able to sit down for 5 minutes.  It's Holly's 2nd birthday on Saturday and me and her dad are planning a party for her.  When I say me and her dad what I mean is, her dad came up with the idea of the party and I'm the one who's doing all the planning and preparation.  We've decided to hold it at a local play gym and invite all of her friends from nursery.  In total we have 13 children coming and luckily the play gym will provide the party food, party bags and some decorations.

I, however, am making the cake.  Now I do like to think that I am a naturally creative person and I do come up with some rather wonderful ideas about things.  The problem I have is that the ideas in my head never quite come out as they should.  Holly is into Monkeys at the moment so I have a fantastic image of a monkey cake in my head and this is what I'm going to attempt to make.  I have achieved the task of getting all the ingredients and this has already given me the confidence boost I need!

As well as making this amazing cake, which will make me the envy of all mums, I also need to get the present, buy her a new birthday outfit and lay my hands on some pink birthday decorations which will dress the house nicely for Saturday.  After the party we are having some friends and family back at the house, where the party will continue, and this also means that I have a buffet to prepare.  The list I am working through is huge but if I'm totally honest, I love it.  I love doing things that will please other people and creating a day that people really enjoy.  I'm hoping the weather will stay nice so I may even be able to crack out the BBQ and make a real afternoon of it.

Anyway, I have a cake to bake but I will keep you posted.

xx

A Royal start to a wonderful weekend.

It’s taken me so long to get this post up as it’s been a manic weekend.  It started with the wedding of our lovely Prince and his beautiful new bride.  I watched the royal event at home with Holly and didn’t think I’d get into as much as I did but when I saw Prince William and Harry come round the corner in the car, I can honestly say it bought a tear to my eye.  All of a sudden the proud mum in me came out and I was overcome with emotion.  They looked so handsome in their uniforms and so happy as they made their way to the Abbey.  It was funny as Holly went and stood right in front of the telly and every time William waved at the crowd, she waved back.  She then turned and smiled at me as if to say, “look mummy he waved back”.

I thought that all the guests looked amazing and the Queen looked stunning in that Yellow outfit.  I would have loved to have been able to take Holly down and been a part of the crowd.  Watching the news as the reporters spoke to people was great.  Everyone was there to celebrate this fantastic occasion and for this one day it seemed that the country was united and enjoying sharing in the young Princes happy day.

Of course, Kate was the star of the show, although I have heard people say that the bridesmaid, Pippa was the star in their eyes!  I’ve also read since, that women are now trying to get a bottom like Pippa’s and there is an exercise routine you can do to achieve this!  Anyway I digress.  I admire the way Kate handled the day and looked like any other bride should look on their big day, relaxed and excited to be marrying the man of her dreams (and many other ladies dreams I’m sure).  From the minute she got into the car to when she took her vows, I felt like I was a guest at a friend’s wedding.  It was truly beautiful and it made me proud to be British.  

The next day, out village held a street party in honour of the Royal occasion and this was a great day.  The whole community was still buzzing from the previous day and games, food and drink was enjoyed by all.  It’s great to think that we all witnessed history and my little girl can say she saw the wedding of her future King, how grand is that?

To finish off my brilliant weekend, I decided to have a day out on the bank holiday Monday.  When Holly was born I adopted a Donkey in her name from the Bransby Home of Rest for Horses and Donkeys.  I’ve supported this charity as my Grandma (now sadly passed) always collected stamps for them and I started doing this when I was a young girl as well.  Our Donkey is called Gemma and I thought, as it was a beautiful sunny day, we would take a drive out to Lincoln and go and visit her.  The place is massive and home to so many Horses and Donkeys I couldn’t even give you a number.  I thought we may be there for about an hour but we ended up staying for about 5 hours.  We got to see horses of all sizes and Holly even got the courage up to stroke one on his nose.  She was amazed by the fact that they had hair!  We also saw some naughty horses and she wasn’t too keen on them and then lastly we got to spend some time with Gemma.  It was lovely to be able to stroke and see the Donkey we’ve adopted and to see the great work that our money goes towards.

Holly fell asleep in the car on the way home.  About 45 minutes into the drive she suddenly woke up and said, “nice sauce” then went back to sleep.  She must have been dreaming about the horses and that made me giggle for pretty much the rest of the drive home.  We were shattered when we got in so it was bath and tea and then off to bed.  She was looking forward to telling her best friend Betty all about her day out when she got to nursery in the morning.

I love bank holiday weekends.

xx