This is my lovely Mummy and my best friend. Unfortunately she passed away from cancer in 2010 and my life hasn't been the same without her. Life wasn't always easy with my mum but I wanted to share with everyone how wonderful she was to me.
I have a younger brother and we both had a great child hood. Mum would always spend time with us making stuff or baking or just playing in the garden and being silly with us. She always seemed to be there for us even though she worked full time as a manager. I guess that she is my inspiration for wanting to make sure I'm there for Holly and Samuel even though I work full time. One of the best memories I have of my mum (other than sharing some hilarious moments with her on my wedding day) was when she had to go to work each day. I remember how there were times I used to cry and beg her not to leave me. She used to give me a big hug and kiss and say, "sweetheart, mummy has to go to work to get some pennies for your piggy bank." Sure enough everytime she came home she used to take a few coppers out of her purse and help us put them in our piggy banks. It's little things like that that I love her for. It's little things like that which I use with my kids. It's little things like that which I miss everyday.
My mum was by no means a saint and she had some very troubled times in life, which had a massive effect on all her friends and family. We had our fallings out, like everyone else, but we usually had a bit of a slanging match with each other, got everything out in the open and then moved on. That's the way she was you see. If you had a problem you talked about it, worked it out and then got over it.
When I found out I was pregnant, the first time, I thought I would be the perfect earth mother and handle everything in my stride with no help from anyone (don't we all ladies??) The reality was that when I got Holly home, I popped her down on the kitchen table in her car seat, sat down in front of her and thought, "what the bloody hell do I do now?" The answer? Pick up the phone to mummy and cry for help. No questions or advice did I get from her but instead she turned up on my doorstep and just hugged me. She then asked how she could help and did what I needed her to. Writing this now has made me realise that I never said 'thank you' properly. I can only hope she knew how much her help and support was appreciated.
When I had to go back to work (when Holly was just 4 months old) my mum used to babysit for me so I didn't have to find the cost of a nursery. Because I'm a thoughtful and caring daughter (no-one here to disagree) I did pay her each month and how did she spend that money? On Holly!! I shared some precious moments with my mum, some I couldn't post on here but they are ones that make me giggle to myself when I think of her. She helped me with Holly in so many ways but always had the nack of making me feel like I was finding this stuff out for myself. I learn't from my mum that when you are a mum, you don't moan or complain, you don't say," I'm a bit busy at the moment", you just get on with it. That's what mums do. My mum passed before my second child, Samuel, was born so she never got to see him and that hurts. There was a moment after Sam was born that the nurse and Steve left us in the room alone so it was just the two of us. I looked up to the sky (as we always seem to do when we talk to people who have passed) and I showed her her new grandson. I'm sure she would have been as proud as I was that day and I'm sure she was with me in her own way.
My mum got diagnosed with cancer, the second time she had it, the day of Holly's 1st birthday. I found out that all the way through her party mum had been feeling awful but didn't say anything as she didn't want to spoil Holly's big day (an example of how mums just get on with it I guess). Mum has previously had throat cancer and had undergone both Chemo and Radio Therapy and after several months of treatment we all thought she'd kicked it's nasty little ass. The evil little cretin had other ideas and when it decided to have another go at my lovely mummy, it did so with a vengence. From the day of Holly's birthday to the day she died was 7 weeks. She did get to spend some time at home , which we were thankful for, and although it was really hard for us, we wouldn't have had it any other way. We all had brilliant support from @Macmillancancer who came to see her everyday and they looked after her and also my dad. The nurses were amazing and they treated her like a normal human being and not someone who was dying.
Towards the end she lost the ability to speak but there was nought wrong with her hearing. If we were talking about something funny you could just see the corners of her mouth turn up and i'm sure she was laughing inside. She still had her mean streak as well. I remember one time, during a visit with a MacMillan Nurse, she decided to hold her breath. You can imagine the reaction this got from us all. When we saw the wry smile cross her face we honestly didn't know whether to laugh or cry, but god love her she kept her sense of humour right to the very end.
Her final week was spent in @StAnnsHospiceSt in Heald Green and they gave her such care and dignity, I can't say how grateful I am to them for that. My Dad, brother and myself we all there when she took her last breath and, for as odd as this may sound, even though I was filled with a sadness I couldn't possibly describe, I was also overcome with a sense of relief. She was finally at peace. A colleague at work said to me how awful it was that she went so quickly and didn't we wish we had more time with her? Of course I would have given anything to have more time with her, but not like that. Watching the mummy who raised me, wiped my tears, shared my laughter, saw me graduate, danced with me on my wedding day, and helped me with my new baby, go through that amount of pain was something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. I can honestly say that I'm glad it was quick and I pray it wasn't painful.
We don't always get on with our parents or our loved ones and there are times we don't even like them very much. My mum was 52 when she died and I never had the chance to thank her for everything she had done for us. I knew she was dyning but I never sat down and had that conversation where I told her how much I loved her and that actually I don't know how we'll all cope when she's gone. I think I was in denial and never throught she would actually go. Time is precious and so are the people we love and who love us. Take every opportunity to show someone you care and relish them every day.
I talk to my wonderful mum every day and I'm sure there have been times I've heard her curse me when I wear something out of her wardrobe!! Both Holly and Sam know her picture and when ever we talk about Angels Holly will always say, "My Nanna is the best coz she is a special Angel" How true that is.
I hope you're watching over us all mum and that we are making you proud. Put these in your purse xxxx