Feet officially up.........I'm officially bored!

Well today has been the first day of my maternity leave and I've been looking forward to this for weeks.  I've not able to wait until I can sleep in, take it easy and catch up on daytime time.  It's been great for the first 2 1/2 hours and now I'm totally bored.

My day started as usual as I got me and Holly up and we went through the usual routine of getting her ready and off to nursery.  I came back home and got a load of washing on, sorted out some ironing and put the pots away.  With first of my little jobs done I made myself some toast and a cuppa and plonked myself on the sofa to watch Jeremy Kyle.  By the end of the show I felt utterly miserable and decided this was not how the rest of my maternity was going to be spent.

I decided to go for a walk and get a breath of air and no sooner had I put my shoes on but the heavens opened.  I didn't let the rain dampen my spirits too much and cracked on with the baby's play mat.  My back started to hurt after and hour or so, so I packed the stuff away and tried for another walk.  Not happening as still tipping it down!!

Lets see if I can catch an afternoon film or something I thought to myself....not a chance.  I never really understood how god awful day time T.V is.  301 channels to chose from and it is all utter rubbish.

Then came a knock at the door and it turned out to be a Jehovah's witness and I was delighted to have someone to chat to.  I kept him talking when the poor sod only wanted to deliver a magazine but I think he didn't have the heart to make his excuses and just let me ramble on.  It was the rain who set him free as he quickly made a dash for it when the heavens opened.

I only have half an hour before I need to pick my little lady up and it is the thing I'm looking forward to the most....bring on the chaos!

xx

I must've looked a right miserable cow!

Walking home from work last night I was feeling tired as I made my way through the park and up the hill.  When I got to the top of the hill I was sweating like a pig on a spit roast and and my bags felt like they weighed a tonne.  When I got to the top of the hill there was a fella standing there with his dog and he said to me, "smile love, it's not that bad".

My first instinct was to turn round and say, "actually mate it is that bad.  I've just got divorced, about to be a single mum to 2 kids, just been told I've lost my job and I'm skint that I've had to start wearing some of my dead mother's tops"  As you can tell I would have happily regaled the entire tragedy that is my life to him at that moment.  As I walked up the street to my car though I started thinking, actually I do have lots to smile about and I came up with the following:-

I'm divorced because married life was not working for either of us and I've actually now got a better relationship with my ex than we've had for years.  I no longer have to pick up after him or nag him to do things and on the whole my life is more peaceful since we separated.

Being a single mum, not the ideal, but do you know what, I can't help but smile when I think of my kids.  My kids are my world so what on earth do I have to be miserable about?  The best part of my day is leaving work to go and pick Holly up and I look forward to the daft conversations we will have in the car on the way home.

The fact that my job is not being funded has actually been a kick up the ass to start my own business.  It will be something I love to do and that I can fit around the family so it's a new challenge and I say bring it on.

Wearing my mum's clothes!  This makes me giggle as I can hear her cursing me from the heavens for not folding or hanging it properly and the best thing about it............it has her smell and feels like she's still with me.

So yes, I really do have a lot to smile about :)

Suz xxx

An interesting question!

Hello all yummy mummy's,

Please click on the diary icon to see my daily diary entry about what our bosses expect from us when we're pregnant.  Do we bring it on ourselves? 

Feel free to comment if you've had similar experiences or feelings.

Lots of love

Suz xx

No it's not!

This is all Holly seems to say at the moment and I don't mind telling you how frustrating this can be at times.  Every question she asks me, no matter what answer I give her, is finished with her saying, "No it's not".

She asked me for some milk this morning with her breakfast, and when I'd placed this in front of her she asked me, "whats dat mummy?", "milk darling" was my reply, only to be responded to with"no it's not".  This carried on through much of breakfast and the morning of getting ready.  To give you an example of just how frustrating this became, here are some more of our delightful exchanges from this morning.

Holly " What's dat mummy?"   Mummy "Porridge sweetheart"   Holly "no it's not"

Holly " What's dat mummy?"   Mummy "Bowl of grapes and apple"   Holly "no it's not"

Holly " What's dat mummy?"   Mummy "Little Princess on Cbeebies"   Holly "no it's not"

Holly " What's dat mummy?"   Mummy "Your pink jeans"   Holly "no it's not"

Holly " They your shoes mummy?"   Mummy "Yes they are darling"   Holly "no it's not"

Holly " They Holly shoes mummy?"   Mummy "Yes they are darling"   Holly "no it's not"

Holly " Where mummy's car mummy?"   Mummy "This red one right here Holly"   Holly "no it's not"

Holly " Where Daddy's car mummy?"   Mummy "The green one next to mummy's red one"   Holly "no it's not"

Holly " Where going mummy?"   Mummy "To nursery to see all your little friends"   Holly "no it's not"

Holly " What's matter mummy?"   Mummy "Mummy fed up of hearing "no it's not" sweetheart"   Holly "Oh"

I was always dreading the phase of "why" and had no idea about this phase.  I can laugh about it now but probably won't find it so funny when we do the whole thing again on the way home from nursery!!

Until next time yummy mummys

Suz xxx

Kids say the funniest things!

My ex husband is away in China on business at the moment so I get to have Holly all to myself for just over 2 weeks.  I just thought I'd share some of the little gems that she has come out with over the past few days.

What colour are my eyes?  All three of us were sat having breakfast when she asked what colour eyes daddy had, so i told her blue.  I then asked her what colour eyes mummy had and as she stared deep into my face she said brown.  Good girl we both cried as we're so pleased with the way she is coming on with her colours.  I then said, "what colour eyes does Holly have?"  She immediately crossed her eyes to try and have a look and said, "don't know mummy can't see". 

Now, her dad is know for not being the tidiest person around and since living on his own the house has become very messy, in the manly fashion you would expect.  So being the loving ex-wife that I am I said I would clean it for him while he was away (there were no resounding objections to this I might add).  I made a start on the first room last night, the living room.  Before I started she had her toys everywhere.  There is a perfectly good toy box in the room, but this is clearly not fit and so any spare floor space would do instead.  There were clothes drying on maidens and radiators, clothes for ironing slung on the back of the sofa, exercise equipment dotted in any space that wasn't occupied by toys and so on and so on......I'm sure you all get the picture.  All I can say is that by the time I'd finished it looked like a home that was clean, tidied and loved. 

After getting dressed this morning I took Holly downstairs and said she could play in the living room while I got her breakfast.  She walked in and just stopped.  She then looked at me with a nod and a smile and said, "mummy, I like it".  It was so funny, almost as if she were genuinely shocked that the living room could look like that.

The final little gem that had me in bits happened in the car this morning on the way to nursery.  I was driving along listening to the radio and Holly was singing to herself in the back.  We were on a busy road so traffic was slow and up ahead I could see a chap on a bike.  I didn't think anymore about it until when we drove past him Holly shouted, "Iya man".  I just crumbled with laughter and then every bike we saw after that got a resounding, "Iya man" followed by a little wave as we went past.  She's never done that before so I wondered where she got it from.  I think it's just down to her winning personality and sense of good humour.  It really did brighten my day and has made me giggle every time I think about it.

Kids really do say the funniest things!

Speak soon yummy mummy's

Suz xxx

What do you expect.....she's your daughter.

These were the words of my ex husband and his explanation to why Holly is being a right little devil with me.  It appears at the moment that me and Holly are two bulls that are constantly butting heads on everything.  Some say it's the terrible 2's (oh joy) but her lovely daddy says it's because she's like me.

An example of how we clash.  When serving her breakfast I asked her if she wanted water or milk to drink.  She replied milk.  Upon seeing me go to the fridge to get the milk she screamed water at me.  As I was about to pour the milk back into the bottle to change it for water, she again screamed MILK MUMMY.  I kept my cool and placed the milk on the table along with the rest of her breakfast.  I was prepared to put the little tantrum down to a bad night's sleep but it came to a halt when she decided to throw her breakfast all over the floor and shout CHOCOLATE MUMMY.  I can assure everyone who reads this that giving her chocolate for breakfast never has and never will happen.  But this morning she decided that's what she wanted to eat and she wasn't backing down.  I also decided that's what she wasn't going to eat and I wasn't backing down.

I don't get into arguments with her, and she knows this, so she decided to stare at me and do every naughty thing possible to try and break me.  This little display of attitude went on for 20 minutes and it did lead to us being late for both nursery and work.  The reason it lead to us being late was because I wasn't giving in and it took 20mins for me to break her attitude.  I was so proud of myself for standing my ground and not letting her win and hopefully showing her that what Mummy says goes. 

Whilst writing this I've also realised that there is possibly some truth in what her Dad said about her being like me as she certainly put on a fantastic display of stubbornness, just like I did.

We're going through all of this and she's only 2 and a bit, bring on the teenage years!!

Speak soon yummy mummy's

Suz xx

Start as you mean to go on.....

Check out my daily diary to see how this attitude got me through the day.

The weekend went so quick I barely had time to say hello to it.

Happy Monday all,

My weekend was jam packed as ever, and although it was very productive, I just don't know where the time went.  It was mum's birthday this weekend so I'm sure you can imagine how emotional it got.  I found myself crying at the silliest little things and I couldn't tell you why.  I put it down to the heat and the hormones.  To check out my daily diary then why not click on the logo and have a sneak at what I got up to!!

I'm finding in general that time is going so quick that I don't have time to ever stop and catch up with myself.  Only having 4 weeks left at work means that everyone is trying to get as much out of me as they possibly can.  What they fail to understand is that I'm slowing down, both physically and mentally, and it's just not going to happen at they speed they want.  It's still not been confirmed if I will have a job to come back to after maternity leave, and people keep throwing my sympathetic looks about how awful I must feel about it.  To be perfectly honest peeps, at this moment in time I couldn't care less.  I'm just looking forward to having a few weeks with Holly before baba arrives and then being a mum all over again.  The next 9 months of my life are going to be the hardest so work really doesn't enter into it.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not going to sit back and hope they sort my job out for me so it's all Rosy for when I'm due back.  In the words of the great Bon Jovi, "Luck it aint enough you gotta make your own breaks." and that's what I intend to do.

This is probably not the most positive post and for that I'm sorry.  It doesn't help I'm sat in an office where the windows don't open with the sun blaring in, no air con and feeling very fat, hot, sweaty and fed up.

I will be glad to climb into my lovely bath with my good book and some non alcoholic wine and say good bye to this day.

Lots of lovez.

Suz xxx

I love my baby curves thank you very much

I was reading a magazine today that had a 6 page article on how to lose your curves and beat the flab.  Firstly let me say that a colleague at work gave me this magazine with good intentions.  The giving came with the comment of how, "I'll be wanting to do something about my extra curves as soon as the baby is born".  The fact of the matter is that no I won't!  I'm naturally a slim person and I'm very lucky in the way that I can't put weight on even if I try.  I do put it on while I'm pregnant and I love it.  People only ever say I look healthy when I'm pregnant and I feel better with a little extra chubbiness all over.  I hope that some of these curves hang around after bump arrives but we'll have to wait and see.  Here are some of the tips that the magazine gave for losing weight.

1.Wake up and work out

The magazine says: "Start your day by working out.  Even if you have a 15 hour day ahead of you it will make you feel more accomplished and ready for the day ahead."

Sue says: "What a load of tosh.  When I wake up I try to work out what day of the week it is and how many hours sleep I actually managed to get.  I work out what the kids are going to wear and how long I have before I have to get us all out the door in order not to be late again......Work out done!"


2. Keep your eye on the prize.


The magazine says: " It's more about your mental strength than physical strength.  You have to push yourself everyday."

Sue says: "My mental health is completely shot and the only thing I keep my eye is getting through the day so I can hit my bed at a reasonable hour to try and get more than 4 hours sleep.  I don't need to push myself as I have children, family and work colleagues that seem to want to push me everyday (they always know the right buttons that do it as well).

3. Eat 6 small meals a day

The magazine says: "Eat 6 small meals a day to keep up your metabolism."

Sue Says: " Eating 3 meals a day is a task in itself so I have no hope of having 6!  By the time I've made sure everyone else has been fed properly and cracked on with the rest of the days routine, there's no time for anything else other than bed!"

4. Get a Dog

The magazine says: "It's a reason to get outside to walk and run and get exercise every day."


Sue Say: " A Dog!  I have enough with 2 kids thanks."


There were many more wonderful suggestions along side super skinny models who have tried and tested them but these were the best.  Wouldn't it be nice if someone wrote an article on how new mums could really work out while looking after a family.  Just simple little tips that are achievable would be good and would probably help us as well.

In the meantime I make no apologies for carrying the extra weight and I embrace my new figure as it is this figure that gave me my beautiful children.

Suz
xxx

New online diary.....A day in the life of a working mummy

I've decided to keep an online diary to show the trials and tribulations of being a working mum.  Click on the diary logo to hop across and have a sneaky peek at what today has held for me.

Suz
xxxx

Pregnant and working....of course I can do another project as well!

At 7 months pregnant i'm finallay having to surrender to the fact that I'm slowing down.  I've been blaming the heat for some time now but the reality is that the extra 3 stone, increased work load and a 2 year old who isn't sleeping well in this heat, is taking it's toll.  The strange thing is that as my body is slowing down, my brain is speeding up and suddenly I have a million and one business ideas that I think are "the one".

The one idea i'm taken with is my new cookbook.  When colleagues or clients learn I have 2 kids and do my job as a manager full time, they often remark how baby food must be such a convenient solution for me at the end of a long day.  The truth is I wouldn't dream of feeding my babies food I hadn't prepared myself.  Don't get me wrong, when Holly was first born I kept jars in the cupboard for those, "in emergency" moments but I couldn't bring myself to use them.  I understand that babies of the world have been raised on jar food for more years than i've been around and I wouldn't comment negatively on any parent who used them.  It's simply a case that for me, personally, I need to know exactly what's gone into my baby's meals.  I also think a large part of this decision is due to the fact I'm a total control freak!!

My lovely mummy always made sure we sat and ate as a family and it was always good homecooked food.  I think this is where I get it from and as a I grew up I found myself asking my mum more and more for her recipes.  My mum passed away last year and it devastated me, not only did I lose my best friend, but my font of all knowledge.  In her memory  I've decided to "try" to produce a cookbook of homemade recipes that show working mums how they can be busy career women and still have time to cook good food.  I'm sure you can imagine that a great many of my mum's secrets will be in there as well but I'd love to hear from all mummies who have a recipe to share. It could be one they have come up with themselves or one that has been passed down by their lovely mummy. I want each recipe to be dedicated to the mum and their family and any tips from working mums would also be included.

If I manage to sell any of these books then most of the money from each sale will go to St.Anne's Hospice as they looked after my mum in final days and helped me and my family through a very horrible time.

Any ideas or comments always welcome folks.

Suz xxxx

Going to work is like going to War

Today was a day where I did not want to get up and go to work this morning!  I had a brilliant day on Sunday as I spent father’s day with my lovely Daddy, down in Liverpool.  We took a trip to the boat museum and then went for a pub lunch which was great.  The sun was shining and the soft drinks were flowing and we had a wail of a time just watching Holly run mental on the kid’s playground while we sat out in the garden.  For all the fun we had it did mean that I had a 2 hour drive back to Barnsley, which I don’t mind admitting, took it right out of me.  I was lucky in the fact that Holly went straight to bed as soon as we got in but I still had a “to do list” to start work on.   By the time I done the washing up, put a load of washing in the machine, sorted out some ironing and made myself something to eat, it was fair to say I was shattered.  I eventually found an hour to snuggle on the sofa with Kevin Costner and have a nice cup of Horlicks before stumbling to me bed. 

Feeling ready for a lovely night of slumber, I cosied myself up under the duvet and then the fun began.  Baby decided it was play time and I kid you not, he was proving that he is a worthy competitor for Johnny Wilkinson.  He went on for hours and no matter what position I got myself into there was just no getting him to stop.  As my bladder was being used for football practice, it meant that I was getting out of bed every 5 minutes (so it felt like) to go to the loo.  I couldn’t tell you what time I eventually got to sleep as my eyes were so blurry I couldn’t make out the alarm clock.  When I woke up this morning I was shattered and physically stiff from the internal antics.  Coupled with that, Holly woke up bright as a button and wanted to ask “why” for everything I did. 

Feeling like death warmed up I looked at myself in the mirror and thought, “good god Suzanne, you can’t go into a busy day of meetings looking like that”.  Then I thought, “Could I?  People will just put it down to being pregnant won’t they?”  After a few minutes of internal debate I decided that serious work needed to be done.  And so I went about putting on my war paint.  That’s when I realised that getting ready for work is like preparing to do battle.  Preparing to fend off the people who want to bring you problems and issues, making allies of the people who can help you and the work you do and being that role model for the team who rely on your guidance and support in order to do their jobs.  I don’t for one moment mean to compare any of this to our brave soldiers who put their lives on the line to defend our country; I am merely using it as the closest example I can find.

After fixing my hair and putting on slightly more makeup than usual to try and cover the humongous dark circles under my eyes, I did start to feel myself feeling better about facing the day.  It’s all completely fake as deep down I could have happily crawled back into bed, but to the outside world and my esteemed colleagues, I looked ready for battle.  And this must be true as the moment I walked into my office I was inundated with problems, messages and situations that needing sorting.  The war paint worked and has got me through a horrible Monday and I only hope I just wake up tomorrow already feeling better about going to war.

All my fears hit me at once.

I’m going to put today down to hormones, but from the moment I woke up this morning I’ve had nothing but fearful thoughts about home, work and looking after 2 children.  They hit me in the following order.

·         I’m too tired to go to work today.  Baby has been kicking me all night.

·         In 3 months I’m going to be too tired to do anything.

·         Cry

·         How will I get Holly ready for nursery with a small baby as well?

·         What should I have for breakfast?

·         I can’t make a decision

·         Cry

·         Yeah, this shower is making me feel a bit more human.

·         Will I have time for a shower with having to drop Holly at nursery and look after a baby?

·         I’m going to be a smelly mum

·         Cry

·         Pull yourself together and go to work.

·         My desk doesn’t fit me anymore

·         My clothes don’t fit me anymore

·         Nothing in my life fits me anymore

·         Cry

·         Bit more crying

·         Crappy emails about work issues

·         Cry

·         Why am I crying, I normally love sorting out these kind of problems.

·         Soon I won’t have these problems to sort out.

·         Soon I won’t be anything but a mum

·         Can I afford to just be a mum?

·         Will I have a job to go back to?

·         Will I be up to going back to work?

·         How can I be a good role model if I don’t work? I’ve always worked

·         Cry

·         I know a bit of fresh air and bacon butty will see me right.

·         Eventually managed to turn the tears off and get some work done.

·         Maybe I just needed a good cry!!

Baby Bumps and Computer Desks don't mix.

I’ve finally reached the stage in my pregnancy where I now have a baby bump.  I’m very lucky in the fact that I don’t tend to develop a bump until later in the pregnancy compared to some of my friends who started showing at 12 weeks!  My bump seems to have developed overnight and with it bought a whole load of new challenges.  My feet have finally said bye bye and I no longer know what they look like now and I have to sit down and form a very un-lady like pose just to put my shoes on.  Sitting down at my desk this morning I had the genuine thought of “have my arms shrunk?”  It seemed I had to reach farther to get to my keyboard and the phone was no longer within my grasp.  At first I thought that the cleaners had perhaps moved everything while wiping down my desk and the then it hit me that the cause of this problem was my now growing bump.  Ideally I could do with a section of my desk to be cut out so the bump fits in quite nicely but sadly this is not an option.  So everything has been moved closer and I envisage that there will come a point when my keyboard can rest on my bump and I can work from there!  I think the laptop will now be brought out of retirement so at least I can position it on my knee and work in some form of comfort.  I’m quickly realising that offices really aren’t tailored for the expectant mother!

Mummy Sue

xx

First day back and I already need another holiday!!

After 2 blissful weeks off work, I'm now sat at my desk and it feels like I've never been away.  I was fairly lucky this time around and I only came back to 115 emails, which is pretty good for the job I do.  My first day back however, did not start well and I only hope it is not a sign of the way the rest of this week is going to pan out.  It started with the journey to nursery.  I got within half a mile of where we needed to be (down a country track I like to add so you get the full picture) to find out that the road is closed.  As it was a country track the only thing to do was turn around and head back into town to go a different route, adding a further 20 minutes onto the journey.  Once on my new course, Holly gave an almighty sneeze, which not only threw out more snot than I had ever seen come out of such a small nose, but vomit as well.  The hazrd lights went on and I threw the car into the curb to try and get her out as quickly as I could.  She's been suffering with a cold over the past few days and I guess all the flem that was on her chest decided to come out.

Now a good 45 minutes behind schedule, we eventually made it to nursery but Holly was not keen to go.  She didn't want anything to do with her playmates or the staff and assumed, what me and her dad call, "the baby gibon pose".  This is where she throws her legs round your waist and her arms round your neck and holds on for dear life like a baby monkey.  I eventually talked her into sitting down and having some breakfast (her second of each day) and made a mad dash for the car.  Finally on the road and near to the office I breathed a sigh of relief that my day could finally get going.  This relief was to be short lived.  As I stood outside my office door, rumaging through my handbag, I refused to give into the realisation that I'd left my office keys at home.  After cursing myself for several minutes I decided that there was no way I was driving home and I would just have to find someone with a spare key, which I eventually did.

Surely the worst of the day was over and I could make a start on catching up as I knew I had several reports to get working on and send out.  So, with a brew in one hand and my morning banana in the other, I tried to log on.  The key word here would be tried.  It appears that first thing on a Monday morning is when our IT department feel it best to carry out maintenance work.  This meant for most of the morning I could answer emails only and was not able to access any of my saved files or reports.  The morning banana was soon to be followed by several bars of chocolate and a great many mutterings under my breath.

I had a catch up with my team, which made me smile again and I wasn't as stressed as when the day first started.  It's nearly time to go and pick Holly up, which, as I've said before, is the best part of my day and  I will be glad to log off and leave this horrible horrible Monday behind and hope to start things all over again tomorrow. Rant over - nothing good to say about this day!

Love

Mummy Sue x

"No mummy, no help"

Words I didn't think I would hear until Holly was at least a grotty teenager, let alone 4 days after her second birthday!  After I picked her up from nursery today we had our usual 30 minute stint at the playground next door.  It's a nice park and we often see some of her pals from ursery there who she goes off and plays with.  Today though, we had the park all to ourselves.  We started, as always, on the swings where she insists I sing this silly swing song I made up.  After 3 rounds of the song she wanted off and hot footed it over to the slide.  To get to this slide it's not a ladder but a rope climb.  Normally I hold her upper body and she lifts her legs up onto the rungs until she reaches the top.  I went to assume my normal position to hoist her up when she turns round, pushes me away and says,"no mummy, no help".  I stood there and watched as she climbed herself to the top of the rope climb and then went down the slide the other side.  I was so proud and yet so upset at the same time it was very strange.  My little girl no longer needed my help up the rope climb and made no bones about telling me.  I'm so proud that she's progressing so well but it really does break your heart when your baby tells you they don't need you.

It wasn't long before she wanted to move onto the seesaw.  Now, I thought, she'll need my help to get on.  Nope, wrong again and again when I went to lift her on she pushed me away and threw the same words at me, "no mummy, no help".  I must admt it was funny to watch her pull herself onto the seat in the most un ladylike way, but by god she did it and she did it all by herself.  I was then ordered to sit on the other end, and being the good mummy I am, I did as I was told.  It was so surreal to be sitting at the opposite end of a seesaw to my two year old daughter when I'm so used to helping her hold on.

All these times I've taken her to the park and helped her hold on.  Was it that she needed my help holding on all this time or was it more a case of me trying to hold on to her being a baby that little bit longer?

When people tell you to treasure the days when they are babies because they grow up so quick, you never really appreciate what they're saying until you have that moment on the slide.

xx

Update at last!

It's taken me so long to get this post up as i've been as sick as a dog since Holly's birthday.  Just to put you all out of your misery - yes the cake was a success as you can see below.

We had her party on the Saturday and we had a total of 13 kids there.  It was total chaos but brilliant fun.  They were non stop run a rounds for the whole 2 hours and the only time any of them stopped was to get food.  I've never heard silence around so many kids before it was so funny.  Holly loved having her best friend Betty sit next to her at the table, which of course Holly was head of.  We had a lovely spread and the adults lost no time in polishing off what the kids had left!  The party co-ordinator bought the cake in at the end and everyone sang Happy Birthday.  For the first time all day Holly was so shy and she burried her head into my shoulder and wouldn't look up.  She blew out her candle (with a little help from mummy) and then they all went back to playing.  I think me and her dad were more bothered about the celebrations than she was as she just wanted to run off and play. 

I really enjoyed talking to the parents of Holly's friends as this was the first time i'd met most of them.  Holly only started at this nursery in February this year, so she is still the newby.  That's why we thought it would be a good idea to have the party so that we could get to know the other mums and dads.  It was well worth it and I got to know loads about the other parents.  I was of course faced with the question, "so how many days does Holly do at nursery?" and when I replied she was full time, as I worked full time, it led to a few moments of silence where the other parent was thinking what to say next.  It's amazing still, how this question still has the ability to make me feel like a bad mum for not staying at home and looking after Holly myself.    Anyway that's by the by and overall everyone had a lovely time.

At the end of the day, when all visitors had gone home and I was able to put my feet up for 10 minutes, that's when the sickness hit me.  At first I thought it was my bump who had pushed my stomach into my lungs, which was making me feel a bit queer.  I then went on to spend the next 2 days with my head down the loo bringing up everything that I tried to keep down.  Nothing seemed to help so I just accepted that I was going to become very friendly with my toilet.  Lucky for me that Holly had gone down South with her dad to see his side of the family.  I was able to feel sorry for myself in private and just wait for this 'bug' to leave my system and allow me to be human again. 

This morning I woke up and didn't feel like throwing up my inards.  I dropped Holly at nursery and then put myself in the shower and I can now say I'm back in the game.  I've caught up with emails and friends and life in general and can now start to get on with things again.  I can only think that all the planning for the party left me a bit run down and carrying bump around didn't help.  After such a brilliant birthday and seeing the smiles on Holly's face all day, I can say it was well worth it.

xx

Let the preparations begin!

I'm into the first few days of my holiday from work and I've not been able to sit down for 5 minutes.  It's Holly's 2nd birthday on Saturday and me and her dad are planning a party for her.  When I say me and her dad what I mean is, her dad came up with the idea of the party and I'm the one who's doing all the planning and preparation.  We've decided to hold it at a local play gym and invite all of her friends from nursery.  In total we have 13 children coming and luckily the play gym will provide the party food, party bags and some decorations.

I, however, am making the cake.  Now I do like to think that I am a naturally creative person and I do come up with some rather wonderful ideas about things.  The problem I have is that the ideas in my head never quite come out as they should.  Holly is into Monkeys at the moment so I have a fantastic image of a monkey cake in my head and this is what I'm going to attempt to make.  I have achieved the task of getting all the ingredients and this has already given me the confidence boost I need!

As well as making this amazing cake, which will make me the envy of all mums, I also need to get the present, buy her a new birthday outfit and lay my hands on some pink birthday decorations which will dress the house nicely for Saturday.  After the party we are having some friends and family back at the house, where the party will continue, and this also means that I have a buffet to prepare.  The list I am working through is huge but if I'm totally honest, I love it.  I love doing things that will please other people and creating a day that people really enjoy.  I'm hoping the weather will stay nice so I may even be able to crack out the BBQ and make a real afternoon of it.

Anyway, I have a cake to bake but I will keep you posted.

xx

A Royal start to a wonderful weekend.

It’s taken me so long to get this post up as it’s been a manic weekend.  It started with the wedding of our lovely Prince and his beautiful new bride.  I watched the royal event at home with Holly and didn’t think I’d get into as much as I did but when I saw Prince William and Harry come round the corner in the car, I can honestly say it bought a tear to my eye.  All of a sudden the proud mum in me came out and I was overcome with emotion.  They looked so handsome in their uniforms and so happy as they made their way to the Abbey.  It was funny as Holly went and stood right in front of the telly and every time William waved at the crowd, she waved back.  She then turned and smiled at me as if to say, “look mummy he waved back”.

I thought that all the guests looked amazing and the Queen looked stunning in that Yellow outfit.  I would have loved to have been able to take Holly down and been a part of the crowd.  Watching the news as the reporters spoke to people was great.  Everyone was there to celebrate this fantastic occasion and for this one day it seemed that the country was united and enjoying sharing in the young Princes happy day.

Of course, Kate was the star of the show, although I have heard people say that the bridesmaid, Pippa was the star in their eyes!  I’ve also read since, that women are now trying to get a bottom like Pippa’s and there is an exercise routine you can do to achieve this!  Anyway I digress.  I admire the way Kate handled the day and looked like any other bride should look on their big day, relaxed and excited to be marrying the man of her dreams (and many other ladies dreams I’m sure).  From the minute she got into the car to when she took her vows, I felt like I was a guest at a friend’s wedding.  It was truly beautiful and it made me proud to be British.  

The next day, out village held a street party in honour of the Royal occasion and this was a great day.  The whole community was still buzzing from the previous day and games, food and drink was enjoyed by all.  It’s great to think that we all witnessed history and my little girl can say she saw the wedding of her future King, how grand is that?

To finish off my brilliant weekend, I decided to have a day out on the bank holiday Monday.  When Holly was born I adopted a Donkey in her name from the Bransby Home of Rest for Horses and Donkeys.  I’ve supported this charity as my Grandma (now sadly passed) always collected stamps for them and I started doing this when I was a young girl as well.  Our Donkey is called Gemma and I thought, as it was a beautiful sunny day, we would take a drive out to Lincoln and go and visit her.  The place is massive and home to so many Horses and Donkeys I couldn’t even give you a number.  I thought we may be there for about an hour but we ended up staying for about 5 hours.  We got to see horses of all sizes and Holly even got the courage up to stroke one on his nose.  She was amazed by the fact that they had hair!  We also saw some naughty horses and she wasn’t too keen on them and then lastly we got to spend some time with Gemma.  It was lovely to be able to stroke and see the Donkey we’ve adopted and to see the great work that our money goes towards.

Holly fell asleep in the car on the way home.  About 45 minutes into the drive she suddenly woke up and said, “nice sauce” then went back to sleep.  She must have been dreaming about the horses and that made me giggle for pretty much the rest of the drive home.  We were shattered when we got in so it was bath and tea and then off to bed.  She was looking forward to telling her best friend Betty all about her day out when she got to nursery in the morning.

I love bank holiday weekends.

xx

It's 2 weeks holiday, not the end the of the world!

Sat at my desk in my office, i've started to wrap things up and sign things off ready for me to leave this place for the next 2 weeks.  All my team have been spoken to and understand the tasks for the coming weeks and all reports and spreadsheets have been completed and sent to the relevant people.  With all this having been done, why do people still get in a blind panic about me leaving?  All of a sudden the world and his wife feel they need to know every little aspect of my job so they can prepare for when the world comes crashing down.

All of a sudden, as I start sending emails to remind people i'll be leaving for the next few weeks, they decide this is the opportune moment to tell me of all the problems that they've been having.  Like i'm able to do something about it at 16.10 on the day i'm finishing.  People ring me to suddenly find out where files are kept that haven't even been looked at for the past 6 months!  It's craziness.

I've been very organised this time round and prepared briefing notes for all the folders I use and 'read me' documents so that everyone knows exactly what to do in different circumstances.  It's funny, but when ever one of my colleagues goes an holiday the only email I send them is one to say have a lovely time away and don't even give work a second thought.  When I go on leave, they act like i'm the only person in the world who can do my job.  As much as I would love to think i'm totally indispensable, the reality is i'm not.  I think that the truth of the matter is that no one actually likes the job I do and therefore no one wants to take on any responsibility for it in my absense.  I can understand this, I manage a team that has very varied personalities and it is a challenge.  I happen to love that part of my job and that's often what motivates me in a morning to get myself into work, the fact i'm working with such a diverse group of people all buzzing with different ideas and perspectives.  The fact that other people may not like it....well its tough i'm affraid, just deal with it for 2 weeks.

I also find it slightly amusing that my boss seems to have a need to find out what I do as well, after all they did hire me to do the job!  I can appreciate that we get so warpped up in our own working day and our own roles that we don't put aside time to learn what are colleagues and team mates do, i'm probably guilty of this as well.  I just think that if an email isn't answered for 2 weeks then it's ok and life as we know it will still carry on regardless.

You take a holiday to relax and unwind and here I now am at 20.33 in the evening still checking emails and making sure I haven't missed anything.  yes, I need to learn to switch off and forget about it and after a few days i'm pretty sure I won't be giving work a second thought.

xxxx

All is well in world of my bump

After having such an easy pregnancy with Holly, I'm a little shocked to say that i'm not having such an easy time with bump.  It started with horrible sickness from day one and this went onto last for 13 weeks.  Trying to hide the fact that my colleague, who sat next to me, wore a  perfume that made me wanted to gip every morning was not an easy task.  I also went completely off tea and chocolate, which were and hopefully will be again, my two saving graces and I had the worst break out of spots that would rival any teenager.  My hair is rubbish and my nails are constantly breaking and I even have to say i've been suffering with the dreaded fat ankles.

Given that I experienced none of this with my baby girl, it's safe to say that this pregnancy does not suit me.  There were some early concerns with this pregnancy when the doctors found a mass growing next to the side of my baby.  It had been causing me a great deal of pain so I was taken in early to have a scan and see what was going on.  The goods new was that it ruled out an ectopic pregnancy and the baby seemed to be fine where it was.  They did however, suspect that I may have a partial molar pregnancy.  This is where the egg is fertilised by 2 sperm and it means that the chances of the baby being normal are non existent.  They kept a close eye on my for the few first months but the mass just seemed to get rid of it's self.  The pain went and it finally felt like I was having a normal pregnancy, despite the factors mentioned above.

I went for my 20 week scan last week and that was a trauma in itself.  The little devil is so far down that they struggled to get a good picture.  Everytime they thought they had him he would wriggle about and move before they managed to press the button and capture what they wanted.  So they sent me off for a walk around the hospital to try and encourage him to move.  The baby, on the other hand, had different ideas.  The second scan did allow a few photos to be taken but still not the number they needed, so off I was sent again.  This time with the added advice of, "if you could possibly drik more water that might help."  I don't think they understood that my bladder was alreasy the size of a football, but I wanted to get out of there so more water I drank.  The third scan allowed them to get everything they needed and I was sent back to the waiting room to wait for them to bring out my notes and my scan photos.  As the nurse appeared I jumped up to get the stuff from her (and also because I was busting at the seems to use the toilet) only to be told that some of the pictures hadn't come out and could I come back in again?  Yes of course I could I said through gritted teeth.  This time I made sure they had everything before I left that room as I was headed for the loo and wild horses would not stop me.

We were sent on our way with everything sorted and scan pictures in hand.

A trip to the midwife yesterday revealed that she was unable to listen to the baby's heart beat.  I knew everything was fine as I could feel him using my insides as a playground but they couldn't hear the heart.  "It could be that he's in a funny position and the monitor can't get round to hear the heart beating" she said.  This is definitely a boy I thought to myself, only a boy would give me this much hassle!  I Like the idea of having a son though.  So she made an appointment for me to see the Midwife at the hospital just to get everything checked out.

I got back from the appointment at 10.30 this morning and I'm pleased to say that everything is good and a good strong heart beat was heard by all.  Despite the rubbish time i've been having during this pregnancy, I would put up with it a thousand times over as long as my baby was ok. I have been given the all clear and told to just carry on now as if it's a normal pregnancy and enjoy the next 4 months.  So that's what I plan to do.  I'm going to carry on meeting my lovely mummy (and non mummy friends), spending time relaxing (as often as work and kids will allow) and enjoy the rest of the summer until my new arrival decides to join us.

Sue & Bump

xx

Happy Easter - Chocolate: To give or not to give?

Happy Easter Everyone!

Hasn't it been lovely to have that extra long weekend?  I know a lot of mums and dads struggle with thinking of things to do with the kids when they have time off.  Not me, I can't seem to do enough.  I took Holls to an Easter party on Good Friday, which turned out to be a huge flop so ended up getting the paddling pool out instead.  On the Saturday we went over to Manchester to see my dad and also my Grandad.  we got a BBQ going and Holls had a fab time getting her Great Grandad to play chase with her up the garden.  He's blind and partially deaf and she led him a merry tale all over the place but he loved it.
It was great weather all day and we all pretty much stayed outside until early evening.   By the time it came for us to leave my dad said to me, " just a second, i've got Holly's easter eggs in the kitchen."  He disappeared and then popped up with 7 eggs all for Holly.  With a smile on his face he said," sorry love I couldn't resist." I tried to ask him to sneak them into the boot of the car before she saw but it was too late.  As soon as she clocked the pile of chocolate in his arms it was dummy out, mouth open and pease mamma?  Of course, taking the usual grandparent stance, my dad said that a little bit wouldn't do her any harm!!  I do agree whole heartedly that things in small doses are fine, but at that time of night she would be bouncing off the walls if she had chocolate now.  I decided to put up with the tantrum that was about to ensue and asked my dad to put them in the boot.

After kisses and hugs all round, I fastened up and started to head home.  The tantrum did ensue and boy was it one of her best!!  I tried to reason with her that she could have some tomorrow after she had eaten all her breakfast, but the need for chocolate right now had over taken her and she was having none of it.  So with the radio on, and my paticence being tried we drove home.  Sleep finally overtook about 20 minutes into the journey and she crashed and was out for the count for the rest of the trip.  As I promised she did have some the next morning but only a little.  She has that much stored in the cupboards that I think i'll still be giving it to her next Easter!!

It was, all-in-all, a really nice long weekend and now it's time for getting ready for the working week ahead (although it is only a 3 day one so not bad at all really :))

Sue xx

Hello to all

I am one of many women out there who have a beautiful family and also hold down a full time job.  Many of my lovely Mummy friends are lucky enough to be able to stay at home and be a full time mum.  I'm one of those mummies that has to go out to work full time and in doing this I have experienced some very negative attitudes.  My lovely daughter is nearly 2 years old and i've been a full time working mum since she was 6 months.  Due to my personal circumstances I was made to go back to work when Holly was 6 months old.  The first day I had to leave her was the worst day of my life.  I remember, even 2 years on, how she cried as she waved me bye bye and how I was on the phone checking on her every hour.  I hated my new job and wasn't interested in making any new friends, or bonding with my team, I just wanted to get home to my girl and do mummy things.

When my friends found out that i'd gone back to work it was received with very mixed opinions.  I recall how one mummy friend asked if I was worried that I would lose that bond with her?  Of course I was.  I had carried Holly for 9 months, breast fed and been there for her night and day for the past 6 months and now all that was about to change.  That comment made me feel ill inside and left me feeling like I was abonding my baby.  As more of these opinions came to light I started to feel like more and more of a bad mother.  It seems that many people I spoke to felt that it was the Dads place to go out and work and the womens place to stay at home and look after the baby.  My, then husband, had just been made redundant and we had agreed that who ever got the job that could support the family would go to work, and that happended to be me.  I would have loved nothing more in the world than to stay at home but we also needed to keep a roof over our family's heads.

I knew I had to work and so I took the attitude that I would make a success of myself and not only provide for my family but also, give my little girl a mummy that she could be proud of.

I've been in my job for nearly 2 years now and I love it.  It makes me apppreciate my family more than ever and the time I do get to spend with them counts.  We don't sit in front of the telly in silence, we get out and explore nature, we chat and create thngs togther.  We have bath and bedtime together and that is my special time with my daughter.  We chat about our days and what we have planned for the next day.  She knows that when she has me, she has me and all my attention and that she is the most important thing in the world.

It's been a long slog to get the balance right, and believe me, i'm still working on it.  But being a working woment doesn't make me any less of a mummy.

Sue

xxx