My first pregnancy was great. No sickness, easy time, natural delivery and healthy baby at the end. I couldn't have loved the experience more. Little H was breastfed and I was back in size 6 jeans after 3 weeks. I was glowing and I loved it.
My second pregnancy was much different. My hormones changed everything in me to the point where I didn't bond with my bump and it caused a split in my relationship for a number of months. It's fair to say I hated the whole 9 months. Of course the minute I held my son in my arms I knew I would do it all again and me and Steve got back on track in no time. Unlike my first pregnancy not everything went back to the way it was. My skin didn't get any better, my gums were still bleeding and I was carrying baby weight that I hated. Mr Moo was also breastfed and although it did help with losing some baby weight I was still carrying a lot of flab around my middle. I never really got my confidence back and would often wonder why my family put up with me and the new changes in me and my body.
I thought that going back to the gym would change everything and that I would soon have my size 6 body back in no time as well as my old confidence, but alas this is not to be. Don't get me wrong I'm certainly tonning up but losing the weight is not as easy as I thought. I've also made changes to my diet and lifestyle and I'm totally feeling the benefit of this on the inside but when I look in the mirror I don't really like what I see. I've cut down on sugar and sweets and I'm eating far more fruit and salad every day. I'm being sensible with my portions and having more control over when I eat and it is making me feel great health wise, but I still had no confidence and hated the way I looked. Not just the flab but the bad skin, dull hair, tired eyes and so on. I love my son more than life itself but hate the effects his pregnancy is still having on me.
My view on things changed in a recent gym session. I was on the bike in the middle of one of my 13.5k sessions when a stunning looking young lass got on the bike next me. She was very tall, long blonde hair down to her arse and a figure to die for. She gets on the bike next to flabby old me who is sweating like a pig on a spit roast! I think to myself "so that's why you are so fit, you cycle a lot" and sure enough when she got on she started peddling with almighty speed. I felt so disheartned that I just put my head down and thought about concentrating on my session.
To my surprise after what must have been only 2 mins, she just stopped dead. I was watching her out of the corner of my eye and wondered what she was doing. She seemed to be messing with her music so I thought she'd just stopped to change track. When she started peddling again she went very slow indeed and then only cycled for 10 minutes before she stopped and walked out of the gym. Well I was jumping for joy inside. I may be flabby and old but I still got stamminar.
On the walk back to my car I suddenly realised the following: My body is not perfect. My belly will never be a belly that will fit into skinny jeans again and will never be seen in public again or be seen in anything with a number 8 on it again but it is what it is. It may never be perfect for any of the above but it was perfect to carry the two most precious things in my world so it doesn't get more perfect than that. Pregnancy may have changed me and my body but I have to remember why. It changed me in order for me to give birth to my gorgeous boy with the most stunning personality. I always thought that if I kept myself fit and healthy that age would never catch up with and it turns out that it hasn't, it didn't need too as pregnancy got there first.
My family don't see me as I see me. They see their mummy as a mummy who looks after herself and who is getting Triathlon fit to help the people who helped look after their Nanna. They love me for who I am and I finally think I may start to as well. It's not always easy accepting the changes are bodies go through after pregnancy but when I look at my children I realise that it is totally worth it. As well as physical change there is the emotional change and this is in some ways is the hardest one to deal with. The Triathlon training is certainly helping with the mental state and so is all the love and support from my ace friends and family. I'm always amazed how women are able to carry a child and produce a new life but I'm also amazed how many people don't realise that things don't stop when a baby is born. GP's have told me that it could take between 18-24 months for some things to return to normal and maybe longer for others.
I'm still battling with the hormone changes that the pregancy left me with but I know I have the full support of my family and God Bless them for all they have put up with. All I can do is keep fit and healthy and teach my children to do the same and if some things go back to normal then brilliant. If some things don't go back to normal then the world won't come crashing to an end afterall. My body may not be perect but it is just perfect for me!
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